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July, 2011

  1. Emma

    July 28, 2011 by Mathew Ferguson

    Razor loves me he love me he love he love me long time I write in curly blue letters with the pen I stole today, in the book I stole today.

    A moment of clarity at the shop: the more kids you have the fatter you get. I told Tracey and she cracked up and then we kept making faces at each other each time a heifer herded through a guzzle of children.

    School holidays finishing soon and new year starting and the parents swarm through trying to get the next generation of diet doctors and home facial specialists and coffee monkeys and vacant drones and bullies and sluts and harpies and witches and wizards interested and invested in paper and folders and pens and erasers. The pre-school kids stumble around, mostly vacant and generally unaware what they are doing here. Something is going on and it apparently is exciting and will be fun but then they turn up in a place with paper and they learn their first lesson: adults lie.

    The older kids slump around, contributing only when their mom cracks and threatens to get the ugliest books and binders we sell (aisle 2, a vinyl-plastic the colour of unwashed everything). Some of the kids are deep into the generational warfare and so they shrug and fire off another don’t-care missile, secure in their dominion over mom and dad. They know the only rule that matters: the winner is the one who cares the least.

    Who cares the least out of us?

    Tracey is like me: no kids, no mortgage, no car and no debt. No debt because no bank will open the door to flakes who have had more jobs at 22 than they have fingers and toes. Her mom and dad give her cash every now and then and so she could probably leave this job. She cares less than me.

    Shirt stain isn’t like me: no kids, no mortgage, has a car that looks like it was designed for a bubble or Pac Man to drive, and maybe debt. I have no idea if he has debt because I let his words and ideas flow through me down an ignorant pipe that is manned by no one. Every time he shuffles over, jiggling in that early thirties way that equals heart attack by fifty-five, I click off the mental recording gear and turn into a mirror. He is a workaholic who argues with his fiancé about staying at work. How he got her we can’t determine. No one has ever met her and there are rumours she is just a paid service that calls the office to make it look like he has human parts. He cares less than me.

    Five assorted stock-kids who drift and change every few months when they get sick of Stain “cracking down” on paperclip shelf order or sugar control or discover he puts the work clock forward in the morning and then back after lunch to squeeze another ten minutes out of everyone unpaid. They care less than me.

    Kara the payroll troll, Queen of the Time Cards, Watcher of the Bathroom Breaks, Grand High Whatever of Pointless Rules, sitting in her little cave, pulling levers, pressing buttons, convinced she is keeping the world running but unaware the levers connect to nothing; the buttons are dead. She is married and made hard by the pressure of children I guess. Or she could have been that way her entire life. I wonder sometimes if she too has a moment of clarity and the young Kara wakes up to glimpse the new world. Obsessed and possessed and distressed and -essed in every way … she cares less than me.

    Razor razor razor out right now with half my pay looking for something to brighten the day, hip hip hooray, ok? It’s Poetry – oh Noetry and I can’t visit the website that comes from because we sold the laptop two week ago. I circle his name again with love hearts and at the same time decide I care the most at work because without work I wouldn’t have the money and without the money Razor would have to steal more and then he might get caught and then I’d never see him again.

    So I care the most. More than Razor, more than Stain, more than Kara, more than stock-kids, more than Tracey. More than – Razor is back.

     

    ***

    Fragment slice speck part moment bit – words arranged with punctuation.


  2. Michael

    July 28, 2011 by Mathew Ferguson

    My second Bluewater birthday and everything is two. Level two my permanent home. Two days from or to a beating for someone. Two days of jumping jacks. Two years of this middle heat. Two Jamaicans kneeling on your back. Two ways out: leap from the roof or climb the fence. Two parents who don’t give two shits about two years.

    Staring at the west fence, grimy like kids have been wiping their asses on it and then throwing handfuls of dirt to shade it up, Randy talking, and I drift into a long stare and a little movie clip. It’s night time and we’re suffocating in the heat and someone is puking up their nutritious pig penis soup and someone else is getting tasered: it’s one of those nights where everything bad is happening. Then on the chain door there is a crackle of blue light and a man appears and half the fence is gone, cut shiny and even. He smashes two trainers and when his arm hits them we get a sudden x-ray showing his skeleton is made of solid metal. One of the trainers hits him with a baseball bat right across the shoulders and it smashes into shards. He turns and grabs him by the throat and there is a crunch and a snap and the guy is dead. Then Cantor comes screaming out of his office, ready to lay down beating for anyone within fifty feet and the man doesn’t even touch him. He just looks at him and we hear this high pitch electronic noise and Cantor starts bleeding from his eyes, his nose, his ears and –

    You’re still not working the program.

    What I want is a meteorite to flame down from a billion miles and sear his head off his piggy neck. A glisterning rock from the other side of forever sleeting through the universe since it started, frozen and dark for a billion years and then it hits the atmosphere in a ruby glow of friction. Tiny frozen bacteria swarm to life in a the heat as the rock whittles down to a pinpoint of justice.  Bam, right through his face.

    What should I do?

    I keep my eyes down, my face halfway between still and earnest questioning. What can I do so I’m working the program and so I can return to my parents, reformed and whole.

    As Randy pretends to think, I glance past him as Emma walks by with a sign around her neck. I’ve been in this programme for three years and I am still pulling crap.

    If you don’t participate in monitoring and maintaining then you are never going to progress past level three. Your parents are fine with not contacting you until you reach the appropriate level by the way.

    He says it with the smirk and shit-eating happiness of those sub-humans with cancerous souls. I can see him standing on the edge of a desert as a dying girl crawls up and collapses at his feet. He is holding a glass of water, ice-cube and lemon slice floating fine, tiny drops of water bubbling the outside of the glass between his fingers. She begs and he lowers the glass for her but when she reaches for it he lifts it up and even as she understands in an instant he will withhold the water until she dies, she still begs and cries, her body giving up precious liquid. She’s dead two heartbeats and he pours the water on the sand and tosses the glass away. He wasn’t keeping the water for himself; he was keeping it so she couldn’t have it.

    I will participate in monitoring and maintaining. I want to work the programme so I can return home to Michigan a better member of society.

    Randy stares at me and I know I’m going to get fucked one way or the other now. There is no exit from this conversation that doesn’t result in me in OP. If I agree then he’ll say I’m lying and not working the programme and that means -> gets me some big jamaicans right now. If I disagree and say I am working the programme than he’ll say I’m lying and that means -> gets me some big jamaicans right RIGHT now.

    We both know you’re lying.

    My heart lurches with a sudden kaboom smack and  a starfield of tiny cold flakes burst over me as I completely pavlov. I’d shit if they hadn’t served us bad recycled stew yesterday morning which scoured out everything in me.

    I’m not. I’ve been here for two years today and I want to work the programme and go home.

    Anniversary is it? We’ll god damn maybe we should do something special for you. You want something special don’t you.

    No sir, I just want to work the programme and do my best and get home.

    My bottom lip, somewhere near my chin is tensing up, pulling my whole face down and I can’t stop it. My grandmother used to do it to whenever she got worried. It’s a big red button flashing for Randy.

    You gonna cry? Cry cry you could cry but we both know you’re doing it to get out of working.

    A beautiful rumble just then; an arriving transport from those Teen Escort goons. Randy turns and I swear sniffs like a wolf out on the range. Another tender morsel to bite, to rend, to slice and dice like the hapless vegetables featured on late-night infomercials. If it’s a boy then he’ll get to enjoy Randy putting the end of the nightstick in his mouth and being told to suck it, suck it like he wants it. Then he’ll get to suck some more. If it’s a girl then it’s the same, sucking as well and then some more as well. She’ll beg, she’ll cry, she’ll scream.  The gate cranks open, the dull jamaican manning the gate staring flat as the truck rolls in. Alex Clockwork, Harry P and Snowball smile on me and Randy squelches away to menace.

    Back to the dirty wall; a safe place to look if Randy comes back looking for a reason to put me in OP. Two years ago I saw that wall and it is still the same now. Well, not totally the same. It’s two years run down, cracked and breaking down like every building and kid here. I glance over to Randy at the gate where the new arrivals have been pulled off the truck. You don’t step down and walk into Bluewater like a human; you are wrenched, kidnapped, shoved and hurt, beaten on the way to the front gate just so you know your place. A dark-haired girl is gasping deep underwater breaths while the boy next to her stands impassive but clearly about to lose it. A metre away on the edge of the gate is some weed with a deep purple flower yawning in the slight breeze. The girl’s hiccupping hai hai hai is for a moment in perfect time with the dipping of the ignorant flower. Then she screams. She screams “this is kidnapping!” and right then Randy slaps her.

    **

    Some other fragment from the collection. Unedited, hence the “just” and excessive comma.


  3. Pomegranate innards

    July 9, 2011 by Mathew Ferguson

    ‘Pomegranate innards,’ said James.

    Mrs Hutchinson turned on her spot so quickly she was almost a blur.  ‘THAT word, James, will not be used in my class room.’

    ‘What, pomegranates?’

    ‘No, the … other one.  I do not want to hear it!’

    ‘Innards,’ Pike whispered loud enough for everyone to hear.

    ‘I said, Mr Pike, that I did not want to hear that word.’ Mrs Hutchinson shook herself in disgust.  ‘That word is so … squelchy.’

    ****

    Yet another fragment.


  4. Puritan Monkey

    July 9, 2011 by Mathew Ferguson

    Of all the varieties of monkey — trust monkey, suck monkey, policy monkey — there are none as persnickety, as finicky, as ‘holier-than-thou because I’m wearing pants and you are not’ as the Puritan monkey.

    This species, easily identifiable by the furrowed ‘I told you so’ brow, and pointed waving finger, are also known as the preacher monkey.  They delight in telling people off and curtailing any kind of fun activity.

    Frequent letter-writers and campaigners against, well, practically everything, they have in recent years orchestrated campaigns against: butter, I can’t believe it’s not butter, butter-flavoured popcorn, shorts, open-toe sandals, balloons, shiny objects, string, fruits that are too ‘fancy’, and croutons.

    Currently, they are waging letter-writing war against the Monkey Knife-fighting Association (MKFA).  Their main forum of complaint is on the eBay pages that sell MKFA merchandise.  Their tightly worded missives (which try to avoid too many verbs  because they ‘excite the lustful urges’) are the equivalent of a handful of poo flung at random people — they hit, but have no effect apart from making people angry.

    It is quite sad that the Puritan monkey has chosen this path.  Back in the day they knew how to rock out, like, seriously.

    From en.wikipedia.org

    ***

    Years ago I went out with a lovely girl named Tali. This is an email I sent her from work.


  5. Babies with moustaches

    July 9, 2011 by Mathew Ferguson

    We had blood-blisters, ink stains and dirty knees and James said if the pumpkins he planted don’t grow then he’s going to:

    Burn

    Shit

    Down.

    Kelly doused her fingers in turpentine and then a tissue and started cleaning hands. Flashback to primary school parties, cake and being sticky 90% of the time.

    That sounds about right said John and he has a statistics degree so he’d know.

    Nothing on the web so far said Amanda and kept hitting refresh.

    Emily was sitting quietly on the sofa, deep into seeing if it feels like reality has bent enough tonight. She’s half-breathing, lips open and closed eyes still blinking. Running from the corners of her eyes are thin blue lines of ink, tracing the beginnings of crow’s feet, tracing old age creeping up.

    Someone has started a website of babies with stick-on moustaches said Amanda and hit refresh again.

    I’m serious. I’ll burn shit down said James.

     

    ***

    Man, this needs some explaining. What the what? Pumpkin planting, checking the web and seeing if reality has been bent enough? If I could remember I’d tell you but I honestly cannot remember writing this nor remember what it is about or if it is even finished. Sometimes these random fragments turn up during the chatter and I dutifully write them out, again.